Feeling Overwhelmed

I have talked to so many people lately who are emotionally exhausted by this pandemic. The days stretched into weeks, which have now stretched into months, and there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight. I know that not everyone has been quarantining as vigilantly as my family has, but for us this has felt like a loop that we just can’t break out from; like our own version of the movie Ground Hog Day.

 

With Covid-19 cases rising all across the country, and an election that has divided our nation like nothing since the civil war, we are all feeling a bit overwhelmed; trying to find calm in a sea of chaos. 

One of the hardest parts of all of this has been the separation from my family.  Unable to visit my daughter and grandchildren has been so hard. We do our best to stay connected, but FaceTime is just not the same as a hug and some snuggle time with grandma. 

The biggest challenge for everyone has been the unknown. How long will this last? When will a vaccine actually be ready? Will the vaccine be safe? Even if it is safe, will enough people take the vaccine? Just typing these questions causes me anxiety, and I long to feel calm.

 

For me, a place of calm has always been my home. It is my refuge. Sitting in my living room, looking at my mother’s credenza or the pictures from my honeymoon hanging on the wall, this is my happy place and even though I have rarely left my home in eight months, it continues to make me feel safe and secure. Sitting in my back yard or snuggling on the couch with my husband scrolling through options on Netflix or Prime, my home has always been my shelter from a storm. 

 

We all have somewhere or someone who we turn to when we are feeling out of control. Where do you go to feel safe and secure? Let me know in the comments.

 

 

 

Sad

 

I woke up today with a profound sense of sadness. While the national election is still ‘too close to call’ with the likelihood of a Biden victory, I am so deeply disappointed.  I had hoped for a resounding rejection of the bigotry, lying and corruption that has been the hallmark of the last four years.  Now the final votes will be counted, the lawsuits are already filed, and the balance of this election very well may be decided by an illegitimate court. 

 

I have more optimistic friends who are celebrating the fact that Arizona is a now a ‘blue’ state, and that many of the people I know and like were elected, or re-elected to office, and while I do want to celebrate those victories, my heart is hurting today. 

I am sad that so many of my fellow Americans chose to re-elect someone who, in my opinion is the worst President in the history of this country. They saw his racism and sexism and they didn’t care. They saw him lie about the pandemic, disregarding the scientists, as a quarter of a million Americans died, and they didn’t care. They saw him rip children from the arms of their parents and put them in cages and they didn’t care. Worse yet, some of them applauded him for these actions.

 

This is not like 2016. This is not a situation where many people saw someone who was an outsider and wanted to shake things up, this time they knew exactly who and what he is and what he stands for and they chose to cast their vote to re-elect him. 

 

I have lost faith in my country.  I am no longer proud to say I am an American. We have lost our way.  Regardless of the final outcome, this election has forever changed the way I will view my country and the people who live here. For the first time I don’t feel at home here. I don’t like who we have become. 

 

And for that I am extremely sad.