Not again.....

Okay so I have decided that this officially sucks, I went through all that silliness (tests, procedures) last summer to get the ablation, the wondrous cure all for my female problems, but my stupid period came back.  At first I was nervous – “oh no, is this normal” but a quick Internet search revealed that periods stop forever in only 50% of the women who have an ablation – a fact that was not made clear to me last summer when discussing options.  Now I not only have the pleasure of having a monthly period, but now I am nervous – is that stupid ‘thickened lining’ going to come back, am I at risk for cancer, do aliens really exist – okay so I don’t actually worry about that last one, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. 

On the bright side - I did sign up for short term disability so if I do need to get a hysterectomy next year i will be covered for the time off - Yeah!  Wait I think I am getting ahead of myself, but it does appear that my body was designed for procreation, I simply cannot stop having a period even after electrifying my uterus.  I really do have to write this book one of these days.

one step forward, two steps backs......

So as I have begun writing ( yup - already wrote several pages) I am struck with concern about what I have written.  It feels stilted, artificial and yes....even boring at times.  Ugh!  I have the ideas but I really want to make them come alive off the page, to make the stories magnificent.  I want a story that is so compelling that its too hard to put down.  I think my strategy will be to just get something on paper ( or in this case on computer) and then come back to it to make it better, then give it to someone ( like Kaitlyn) to make it even better. 

Ready, Set, Procrastinate

I'm ready to get writing - but I'm distracting my self by coming up with different ideas to write about.  Right now I have 6 possible manuscript outlines and titles.  I'm not sure if I'm just being creative or if I'm avoiding doing the hard work.  Getting organized seems like half the battle.  I went through all my old notes, I put everything in folders and/or on the computer and I did actually do some writing.  I know I can do it.  It is funny but I seem to prefer writing long hand instead of typing - there is something about actually wrintg longhand that feels more honest or creative.

I did actually write my goals out for 2013 - including writing (at least one manuscript ready by August) losing weight (at least 25 pounds by August) and paying off all the credit cards.  These seems very achievable - as I long as I am disciplined and get to work - so with that, time to go workout.

2013 Bring it on!

Just Keep going, going, going

I'm trying really hard to keep motivated, despite any struggles, and keep on working out and trying to get healthier.  The Y closes early today for new years so I need to get moving so I can get a workout in......what a better way to ring in the new year than to go do something good for myself.  The other major goal for 2013 is to get busy writing - I really do have some ideas for stories.  Peter and I watched "The Help" last night and I was actually inspired to actually think about some ideas for stories/novels.  I really want to do some writing - its been a goal for a long time.  I remember how incredibly proud I was to see my Eating Disorders book being published.  It was incredible.  I think the key to just start writing - an hour or so a day.  Writing this blog, writing the stories I have already started and mapped out, writing articles for KEA/AEA, just write.  At some point all of this writing will add up to something and morph into actual saleable pieces.  Yesterday I had book ideas and I just started putting them on a list in my phone - I will keep doing that too.  It is goign to take some work and some self-discipline but I know I can do it.

Here's to a healtheir and more productive new year!

In 2013 I will loose 25-50 pounds ( 50 is the goal) and I will produce 3 stories to publish

ITS TIME....LET'S DO THIS

4 years ago and over 40 pounds lighter - It is time to get back in shape.  I actually am 100 pounds overweight!!!!!! That is so ridiculous and scary - it is time to get busy.  I am making 2013 my time to get back in shape.  Today was a very small 1st step - I went to the Y amd did a brief workout.  20 minutes on the treadmill - a distance of about 1.25miles.  This is going to take work - but I CAN DO IT. 

Great news - things between me and my uterus have now officially settled down.  I don't have periods anymore.  I was having a bunch of hot flashes and hormone symptoms for a month or two after the procedure, but even that seems to be settling down for me.  This is exciting and happy news indeed.  All the stress and anxiety of the summer seems to be in the past.  Periods are now a thing of the past and I haven't noticed any other problematic symptoms.  I know that I do need to be aware of any changes, pain, bleeding, etc but it seems as if things are much better and I don't have to refer to it as a mean uterus anymore.

I have decided it is time to start focusing on the goals I have for myself.  I am going to work hard at increasing my exercise level and decreasing my weight.  I am also going to commit to write more.  I hope that I can reach my goal of publishing a book before I turn 50.  I stated looking into epublishing and I think I can do it.  It is going to take self-discipline, which is not one of my talents, but I know I can get there. 

I did go and get my annual skin check and sure enough, she found another spot (on my face) with cancer.  The PA is having me use this stupid RX creme to kill the cancer cells and avoid having surgery and a scar on my face.  I hate using the creme because every day it reminds me there is cancer on my face - I think I would prefer the scar.  I'm not sure why, but cancer has a way of freaking people out, even people who usually don't freak out about stuff.  Thank goodness if I have to have stupid cancer that at least its the kind on my skin that grows slowly and isn't very serious.

Okay I am going to work on writing for real, I can do this!