Midlife musings

 

It’s a perfect afternoon.  Sitting in my backyard, reading a book by the pool, I am overwhelmed with feelings of contentment and gratitude for all the wonderful things in my life – don’t worry, those feelings pass quickly when the dogs jump out of the pool and begin shaking off, spraying water all over me.  Next the pool pump starts making a weird hissing noise, and I know that this is not a normal noise, I envision the hundreds of dollars in repair bills. 

I realize I am starting to turn pink, despite applying gallons of sun block and I think to myself, I really should make that appointment to see the dermatologist.  Getting spots surgically removed or frozen off my skin has become such a regular occurrence that I now consider it a hobby.

I head inside to the quiet solitude of my house, only to be greeted with the sound of gunfire as my husband and my daughter’s boyfriend play yet another round of Call of Duty. 

I admit, I am envious of my friends who complain about their empty nest, mine has never been empty for very long.  My two daughters have moved out and back in to my house so many times I should install a revolving door.  When I hear someone talk about having an empty nest, I usually offer a sarcastic retort like “I wouldn’t know what that’s like” but to be honest, I don’t mind that much. Currently my youngest daughter lives at home with her longtime boyfriend.  They are both just finishing up college and they have no idea what they want to do with their lives, but since I am still working on figuring that out, I try not to judge them too harshly. 

While I would like some space and privacy, and a lower grocery bill, living with my grown children can be fun.  I learn so much from them.  I can proudly boast that I have a Pinterest, Instagram, and a snap chat account.  I know what a Vine is (which is something I do not think most people my age can say).  I can actually name at least one electronic dance music group.

I head to the kitchen to make a small salad for lunch, ever mindful of gaining weight, which happens so easily nowadays.  I think about things like getting enough fiber and it frustrates me to face the relentless march of Father Time.  I watch with envy as the kids scarf down a full bag of potato chips, knowing that even a handful or two will add pounds on the scale. 

 

I head upstairs to color my hair, something I do every few weeks in a valiant attempt to keep to keep the gray at bay, but the gray is persistent and it looks like the root touch up kit won’t be enough this time.  I make a mental note to call the hairdresser, which I will promptly forget to do.
 

I just don’t want to acknowledge that I am indeed getting older.  Can I really be turning 50 this year?  Like most of us, when I was growing up I thought 50 was really old – it’s amazing how you can change your perspective on that issue.  Yes, I know my bones crackle and make more noise than they used to, and I do get tired by 10:00 o’clock at night, but that doesn’t mean I’m old…does it?
 
On the bright side (and I do believe there is always a bright side, thus the name of this blog) being almost 50 has some tremendous advantages.  As I approach this big half-century milestone, I want to celebrate all that I have accomplished. Somehow in the last almost 50 years I raised two amazing daughters, I travelled across this incredible country and most of Europe, and I mastered the skills for three different careers (so far).  I have so much to be proud of.  Fifty can be a scary number for some folks, but I want to look at fifty as an amazing celebration of everything that I have achieved.  I also want to look at 50 as the start of a whole new outlook on life. 

I think 50 means reaching an age where I get to embrace being exactly who I am.  I can do and say what I want, I am ready to face 50.  Bring it on!

You can read my comical book about health challenges during menopause, available on Amazon