I’m angry

I don’t know about you, but right now this all just feels like too much to bear. Watching the heart-wrenching testimony of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and the disgust, disinterest and degradation of the old white men in power and how they disregarded her words has left me feeling angrier than I can ever remember. It is not a momentary anger, this is a built up frustration of decades of men being held to a different standard than women. 

·      This is an anger at un-equal pay, but I can’t even say for equal work because women work twice as hard for half the recognition. 

·      This is an anger at being dismissed simply because of my gender. 

·      This is an anger at  being told I should “smile” as a way to dismiss me and my feelings. 

·      This is an anger at all the times someone accidentally brushed against my chest. 

·      This is an anger at not being allowed to take a maternity leave.

·      This is an anger at the many salespeople that walked past me to shake hands with my husband first, as if I wasn’t even there.

·      This is an anger at the time I first got married and my credit cards were then put in my husbands name.

·      This is an anger at a voting public who believe lies about a female candidate but disbelieved the truth about a male one.

·      This is an anger about watching the Anita Hill hearing on TV back then and realizing that NOTHING has changed.

·      This is an anger at the college professor who gave my daughter a lower grade than her male classmate for the same work. 

·      This is an anger at being told I am too loud and that women should be seen and not heard.

·      I am angry about so many more things like this.

I am ANGRY because I have every right to be angry and I have just one thing to say to those misogynistic old white men who dismissed me and every other woman this week – I am angry and I WILL VOTE. And I am not alone!

Cheers to Midlife!

I saw this online and I LOVED it. This is one of the best parts of Midlife, learning to be comfortable in your own skin. 

One of the best lessons that we learn as we age is that life is too short to worry about what other people think. There is something incredibly freeing about Midlife; being able to make your own choices, being finished with raising your kids, and having the knowledge to value your time. 

We all only get so much time on this planet, and there is something about beginning the second half of your journey that gives you the confidence to put yourself first. 

I know I have worked hard my whole life. I put my husband and kids first. I volunteered in their classroom. I participated in my professional organizations. I worried about what others thought of me.  I don’t worry about that at all anymore. I worry about being happy, spending time with my loved ones and achieving my dreams. What someone else thinks of me doesn’t matter at all.  

Cheers to Midlife for helping so many of us learn how to really enjoy ourselves. 

A Day for Memories

Today is a very special day for me. No matter how many years pass, this day is one that is etched in my memory.  Eleven years ago today my life changed forever. Today is the anniversary of the day my husband killed himself.

Every year since then I have noticed that this particular day, September 14^th, is hard for me. The funny thing about this year is that I almost didn’t remember that it was today. About halfway through the morning I realized the date and I was surprised that I hadn’t even thought about it at all.  Usually on this day or somewhere near it, I tend to get emotional. I find myself feeling uncharacteristically sad, or just not quite myself. This year I didn’t feel any of that. What I did feel is a bit of nostalgia. 

I spent some time today looking though a very special memory box that I keep. Inside the box are piles and piles of cards filled with sweet and kind words from family and friends after he died.  

Eleven years feels like a lifetime ago and in many ways it is. I am happily re-married now and I can honestly say that I have never been happier in my life, but every once in a while I think about before. I think about my first husband and our life together. Our lives have all moved on without him, and on days like this I wonder if I am the only person in the world who even remembers this day. Reading through the cards helps me feel like he was real, like he did exist and that he is remembered. 

I know that people often say time heals all wounds, and while I agree that time can soften the sharper edges, wounds leave a scar, and emotional wounds leave just as prominent a scar.  

Eleven years ago my life changed forever, and today, for just a few minutes I spent some time looking through memories, and that’s okay because these will always be part of me. They helped to shape who I am today. When I finished, I put them all back in the box to look at again another time. They will always be part of my story.