A letter to my Mother-in-law

Dear Shirley,
I want to thank you for raising such an amazing man.  I wish I could give you this letter in person, but breast cancer took you away from Peter too soon, and I will never have the chance to actually meet you.  I do feel like I know you though, from the many stories I have heard about you.  I know what a handful Peter can be, and I can only admire your incredible patience in dealing with him as a boy and young man.  You saw through his endless energy and distractions and you nurtured his loving and caring side.  Because of you, I am the luckiest bride it the world. 

Other than having my own daughters, marrying Peter was the best thing I have ever done, and I know you are a big part of why he is the man that he is.  I wish you could have been there to celebrate with us.  Peter has told me how much you would love both of my girls, and I know we would have enjoyed spending time together.    

It seems so very appropriate, or perhaps very ironic that mother-in-law day is during October, which also happens to be breast cancer awareness month.  

For most people the term mother-in-law is negative, the butt of endless jokes.  In my previous marriage I had a very strained relationship with my Mother-in-law that was very stereotypical of all the jokes.  We really had nothing in common except for her son, and it was a struggle to find any common ground.  I used to envy people who had a close relationship with their mother-in-law.  I will never know what it feels like to have a close relationship with your mother-in-law, but if you were still here I really do think we would be close.  

Although I am not officially a mother-in-law yet, my older daughter is engaged.  Becoming a mother-in-law is very different from the relationship that you have with your own children.  I hope that I will be a positive influence in the lives of my future son-in-laws.  I hope they will see me as helpful, kind and loving – and not as someone they dread visits from. 

But I do want to make it very clear – if any future son-in-laws are not kind to my daughters, I will become ‘that mother-in-law’