Thursday, August 9, 2012
I got very sad today, I realized it was John's birthday. I don't know if anyone else will realize what today is? Maybe Kay (his Mom) will think about him today, but I really don’t know. I don’t even think his daughters will realize that today is their Dad’s birthday. It makes me really sad. I feel like my life has moved on, and John is just someone from the past, but every once in awhile it overwhelms me, he was so much a part of my past, he was my husband and my best friend for 22 years. I felt the need to look at pictures of John today. I rarely ever look at his picture – I don’t even have pictures of him up around the house anymore. I am very happy with my new life with Peter, but I cannot completely let go of my past. I am still so confused about what happened – I don’t really sit around trying to understand why any of it happened, but I am still slightly shocked and overwhelmed when I think about all that we have been through. The girls and I are the definition of resilience. I guess thats why it still surprises me when I feel such grief at moments like today. It is so strange to be so angry at someone and yet still love them……….I hope he is having a nice birthday.