Weird

I got very sad today, I realized it was John's birthday. I don't know if anyone else will realize what today is?  Maybe Kay (his Mom) will think about him today, but I really don’t know.  I don’t even think his daughters will realize that today is their Dad’s birthday.  It makes me really sad.  I feel like my life has moved on, and John is just someone from the past, but every once in awhile it overwhelms me, he was so much a part of my past, he was my husband and my best friend for 22 years.  I felt the need to look at pictures of John today.  I rarely ever look at his picture – I don’t even have pictures of him up around the house  anymore.  I am very happy with my new life with Peter, but I cannot completely let go of my past.  I am still so confused about what happened – I don’t really sit around trying to understand why any of it happened, but I am still slightly shocked and overwhelmed when I think about all that we have been through.  The girls and I are the definition of resilience.  I guess thats why it still surprises me when I feel such grief at moments like today.  It is so strange to be so angry at someone and yet still love them……….I hope he is having a nice birthday.